black babies cost less to adopt.

It’s true. And it’s heartbreaking. But it’s strange.

The adoption process is so much harder than people make it seem.

“If you can’t get pregnant, you can always adopt!”

So many people don’t realize that it costs nearly $30-40,000 for a domestic adoption. Even more for an international adoption. Even harder is the judgment. Being judged about fundraising. Being judged if your worthy parents. Taking classes to educate you on being a parent. Being choosen. All things biological parents who are crafty with their genitals don’t have to worry about.

This article makes me sad. Oof. But I can’t pass judgment (which, if you know me….you know my.  ahem…opinions.) So many people that have traveled the path of adoption have stories as sad as ours. Not all, but so, so many. They had ideas about their families that they can’t make happen. They had visions and dreams for their families future and they want what they deserve.

But I am still sad that these babies are lesser. Undesirable. Unwanted. I want them though. We want them. My husband and I want them. I don’t want these babies to be in places they aren’t wanted or accepted or loved. Our agency does not subsidize children. I would rather our mixed race or African-American child be considered as worthy as any other child. This is an instance where money saving is not and won’t ever be considered by us.

I worry, though. I worry people will think my child doesn’t belong to me. That people will question and judge how a white woman can raise a black child. I even worry people will assume my husband is a stereotype, having a child with someone else other than his wife. The latter doesn’t matter to me— but the judgment does. We fell in love. We got married. We purchased a home. We started a family. We loved and lost and are trying our best to become parents to a baby that we can love and share the world with. You don’t have to do it that way. It’s not “the right” way to do things-but it is how we did it. I don’t appreciate that their are people who will assume we did anything but that.

It’s a reality. One I can do nothing about. But it’s part of the adoption process to consider all of the things that you will be faced with. And to decide that being a family means more to you that anyone else’s narrow-minded opinion.

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4 thoughts on “black babies cost less to adopt.

  1. it is definitely hard not to care what others think. it didn’t occur to me that people may see the three of you together and, if your child is black, assume that your husband had him or her with another woman. that will be hard for you two and your child to face BUT i know that any child raised in the loving environment you are sure to provide will have the strength to overcome stereotypes/assumptions/whatever that are made about him or her. like you said, being a family is what is most important! and this is even an opportunity for you to teach others the negative effects of making narrow-minded assumptions, and why it’s important to put effort into fighting opinions based on first-impressions.

  2. That article is insane. It really makes you think how narrow-minded people still are. That being said, that’s the beautiful thing about mixed race babies. My best friend and her sister have the same biological parents and one is dark with typical AA hair and features while the other has red hair, freckles with a caramel tone. People in HS would always ask me what race my BF was and if she had different parents than her AA sister 🙂 Her kids-the red head and her white husband- one is a blondie with fair skin and the other looks straight Latino! They get asked all the time if they have different parents and they do not. It is no ones business except that people are curious. The point is I truly don’t think anyone will think that any AA or mixed race baby is anyone other than you two’s any more than if they would have been your biological child. And he or she will not be anyone else’s. They are going to be your baby. Just go into any questions with love and education instead of defense and fear of judgement.

  3. And another thing, my BILs kids, all Caucasian, one with blonde hair blue eyes and other with dark brown hair and blue eyes get asked the same question “same parents?”. It’s so common now to have blended families that if siblings don’t look identical, people question.

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